Collectibles, clutter and stale energy
06/02/06
Dear Kathi,
How do you get started when organizing seems like a big elephant
looming in the background? I have so many things going on
in my life and I have many different images. At work, I spend
my energy trying to please other people, I come home to another
set of people to nurture, playing chauffeur for the kids and
meeting my husband’s expectations.
I guess the real question is when do I find the time to get
organized and also spend time nurturing myself? I know that
everything I touch at home demands thought and resolution.
If it is an item in my closet, I have to think about if I
need it and if not, should I donate or consign and on and
on… How can I come home and approach my items without
too much mental drain?
Veodia, Oceanside
Veodia,
You present a two-fold question. You are already a step ahead
because you are aware that all your possessions demand energy.
Knowing this is the beginning of controlling what occupies
your time and enters your living space. That is always the
first step.
Once you understand that every item within your home demands
energy from you, you are much more diligent about what you
let into your home environment. For example, a new pair of
shoes demands much decision-making; Do you need to make room
and get rid of another pair of shoes so the new ones will
fit into your closet? If so, which pair should you discard?
If not, where will they live while not on your feet? How much
did they cost? Did you have the money to spend or was it the
result of a terrible day of overspending to feel better? If
so, in addition to the decision energy, it’s possible
that the shoes could create a guilty feeling every time you
glance at them in your closet, so in the end might not be
a good addition to your wardrobe. These are only a few of
the examples of how possessions can zap your energy.
The easiest approach is to take small steps on a regular basis.
Make a list of your intended projects. Divide these tasks
into five-minute time chunks. Try to do at least one five-minute
session every day. Choose a regular time based on your family
schedule. Stick to this pre-determined time as close as possible
every day. Some moms can steal five minutes when they first
arrive home because the kids aren’t home yet. Some moms
can focus for a few minutes just before sleep because the
house is quiet. Whichever time works for you is fine as long
as you commit to this standing appointment with yourself every
day.
You can accomplish a lot in five minutes. Some nights you
might be able to focus for 10 to15 minutes and other nights
it will be all you can do to focus for five. Even if it is
only five per night, you will see a shift and your elephant
of chaos will shrink down to a mouse. Results inevitably happen
with consistent effort.
The same holds true for nurturing yourself. Commit to spending
at least fifteen minutes a day doing something only for you.
Maybe it’s simply a soak in the tub, curling up with
a book, or sitting in the park for a few minutes on the way
home form work. Again, with consistent daily quiet time for
yourself, you will feel less overwhelmed. Your family will
benefit greatly from your time spent alone. You will be more
effective at work, as a mom and as a wife when you give yourself
daily quality quiet time to nurture yourself.
I would also suggest planning a pre-designated night out with
your girlfriends or colleagues. If possible, create a schedule
that contains a once-a-month free night for you and a free
night for your partner, taking turns spending time away from
the family.
It is also very important to build in a date night at least
once a month where you and your husband can spend time catching
up and nurturing your relationship together. These nights
sometimes require a lot of energy to coordinate but always
pay off in the long run.
Thanks for writing and don’t hesitate to write with
any other specific questions.
